Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
