I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
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There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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