So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
bring money and cleavage
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
do nipples grow back?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
