she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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