what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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