How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i already hear my dad disowning me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
