Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
