I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
its not stalking. its research.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
