I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
