I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
