Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
