Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
