You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
