she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize