If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
