I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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