i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
