Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
