i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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