my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My vagina is officially offended.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
