the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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