you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize