I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
