We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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