I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
