So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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