Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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