He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
