very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
