How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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