Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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