its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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