hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
