I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
