She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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