The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
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she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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