I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
