the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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