I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
