Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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