ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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