I hate your face
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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