At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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