hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
