I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
