I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
