I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
