turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
