playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the day after is always just damage control
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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