I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
