I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
