just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
