he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
