K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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