So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
