pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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