Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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