it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You are the jesus of drinking
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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