Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize