Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
