Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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