You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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