It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
