fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
