Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
