I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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